


Fellowship of the Weak

by Zandra_Court



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3977299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zandra_Court/pseuds/Zandra_Court
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I prayed to you Cas. Every night." "I know."</p><p>What were Dean's prayers to Cas in purgatory? And how did Benny fit into it? This is my take on what happened between Dean's first encounter with Benny and when they came to find Cas by the pool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fellowship of the Weak

**Love is based on the mutuality of the confession of our total self to each other. This makes us free to declare not only: "My strength is your strength: but also: "Your pain is my pain, your weakness is my weakness, your sin is my sin." It is in this intimate fellowship of the weak that love is born. ~ Henri Nouwen**

*******

“First, we find the angel.” Dean rested his crudely made scythe on his right shoulder.

“Um, three’s a crowd, Chief.” Benny looked away. It had been 50 years since he’d had real chaw, but if he’d had a lip-full, he’d have spit in punctuation.

“Either you’re in or you’re out.” Dean’s mouth turned up in slight smirk as he used the vampire’s words against him.

“Well then, I guess we need to find ourselves some hot-wings.” Benny’s fingers were still shaking a bit from the fight and being this close to the human, the hunter, meant that jump-juice wasn’t gonna abate anytime soon.

“After you.” There was no way in hell, or purgatory, that Dean was about to turn his back on this vamp. For a full five seconds the two men stared at each other, waging war over who was going to dominate in this partnership. Finally, Benny cracked a smile, “As you say.” Turning his back to Dean, he started off down the path that led to the river. He had no idea where the angel was, but he knew the human would need to stay near water.

Dean stayed rooted, wondering what sort of crazy he was suffering from that would mean he wouldn’t run up and decapitate this vamp. Making deals with demons and monsters never ended well, ever. But after four months, his desperation to find Cas had reached critical levels.

“You comin’ Chief?” Benny had stopped at the crest of the hill and looked back when he hadn’t heard any leaves crunching after him.

 _Fuck it._ “Yeah, I’m comin’,” and Dean set off up the hill after the Cajun vamp.

“You know where the angel is?” Dean asked as they fell into step.

“Nope.”

“Fuck you, man.” Dean turned and started heading back to the grove. The vamp he’d been chasing to begin with was one he’d overheard telling another about how he’d “barely gotten out alive” when an angel had come upon their nest. Dean had presumed the vamp would run back towards the nest in hopes of encountering others. Might as well continue on that trajectory and not waste his time with this numb-nuts.

“Aw, now, don’t be like that. I may not have a line on your angel, but I know people who might.”

“You don’t know shit.” Dean hollered back.

“I know enough to know you keep goin’ thata way, you’ll end up farther away from water. Now, you may be bad-ass, but you’re still human. Stayin’ close to the river is not just smart, but it winds through this place and will get us where we need to go, which is up in those hills.” Benny pointed up towards the craggy stones with his scythe.

“I told you, we don’t leave without the angel.”

“And my hearin’ is perfectly good, there Ace. I’ll help you find ‘im, but you gotta go where I know to go.”

Benny could see the war raging inside Dean’s head. As hard-edged as this human was, he wore his thoughts on his face for all the world to see. 

“Fine, but if you don’t find a lead in a day, I’m gone. Screw your way out.”

“I ain’t makin’ no promises, now. But you’re powerful determined ain’t ya?” Benny turned and started walking again.

“You have no idea.” Dean fell into step on Benny’s left.

“I can hazard a guess or two, Ace.”

“Chief, Ace, what the fuck? Did you go to the George W. Bush School for Stupid-ass Nicknames?”

“Who the hell is George W. Bush? And seein’ as how you ain’t offered up any other name to call you, I’m improvisin’.” Benny could see the human shake his head, but he was sorta smilin’. Had a nice smile, truth be told.

“Guess that’s reasonable. I’m Dean.”

“Benny.” Benny offered his right hand across as they walked. Dean looked at the hand for a moment and then shook it.

“How long you been in Monster Hell Benny?”

“What? This sparklin’, sunshine treasure? Oh, about 50, maybe 60 years, I guess. That’s if the cycle of day and night here is 24 hours. Some days it seems so, others, seems longer.”

“It’s twenty four.”

“How you so certain of that?”

“’Cause I’ve made the multi-dimensional hat-trick. I’ve been in hell, heaven and now purgatory. Time feels, well, different, in the first two. Like it doesn’t exist yet does. It literally pulls on you, stretching you through it or pushing you to a full stop. Here, I don’t feel like that. This is like the world. Regular. Normal.”

“You been in the pit?” That was Benny’s worst nightmare. His soul had never left the earthly plane because he’d been turned and then killed as a vamp. He’d never been…downtown.

Benny could see the muscles tighten under Dean’s jawline. If there was one way for him to know how long he’d been out of the world, it was how fuckin’ pretty this human was. Monsters is monsters, but humans are beautiful; male or female.

“Yeah.”

“How long?”

“Forty years.”

“Shit” Benny wheezed the word out in a whistle. “How you get out?”

Dean’s face hardened instantly. “Who are you, fuckin’ Cokie Roberts? We ain’t friends. So shut up and lead like you said you would.”

 _Ooooh, touched a nerve there, Lafitte._ “Aye-aye, Chief.”

Benny skipped ahead a few steps and held his counsel, knowing Dean would follow him in silence, yet always alert. That was good. Gave him time to think.

******

It was close to dusk before Benny stopped.

“What’re you stopping for?” Dean asked, resting his scythe on his shoulder.

“Sun’s goin’ down.” Benny started gathering some stones into a circle and piling leaves and sticks in the center.

“So?” Standing still was making his legs and back stiffen. They’d been going for hours, but as long as they didn’t stop, he wouldn’t feel it for another three.

“So, it’s hard enough watching our backs in the dark, never mind you goin’ all sleepy-eyed on me.”

“No way in hell I’m gonna sleep around you so we might as well keep movin’.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing we’re not in hell. And I hate to break it do you, but in here, _you_ are the thing that goes bump in the night. You’ve killed more creatures in the last few months than any baddie in The Purg ever. They won’t say so, but pretty much ev’rythin’d rather not meet you in the dead of night either. So you might as well give heed to those human things like eat, sleep, and shit while you can.”

Dean gave a slight sigh as he squatted on the opposite side of the fire circle and dug through his pockets for his flint and steel. He’d pretty much come through the portal with what was on him: his 6 inch folding knife that had been belted to his hip, his Zippo, and the flint inside his jacket pocket. Since he wasn’t sure when he’d ever get topside, he conserved his Zip as much as he could. The flint took longer but ultimately got the job done.

“Were you a Boy Scout?” Benny asked, crossing his legs as he watched Dean spark the dried leaves and gently blow them into a small fire.

“Nope. Just a damn good hunter.”

“That meant to scare me or turn me on?” Benny chuckled.

Dean worked on stokking the fire, ignoring the come on. At least he thought it was a come on. It’d been so long since he’d tapped anything, male or female, that he wasn’t sure he could tell anymore.

“So, Chief, what brought you to The Purg?” Benny didn’t ever feel hot or cold, but the fire tingled his skin all the same.

Dean continued to ignore him, standing up to scope around their immediate groundcover for bigger twigs and branches.

“Strong, silent type huh? Or are you so elitist that you can’t manage a conversation with scum like me?” 

Benny sat perfectly still, watching Dean, taking in every movement of hip or twitch of jaw. He’d never done it with a guy until after becoming a vamp. Alive, he’d thought it kinda gross and had never found another man attractive anyway. But his maker had forced that experience upon him not long after he’d been vamped. He’d fought hard at first, but found it wasn’t as awful as he’d expected. Maybe once you were dead, bein’ raped wasn’t that bad? Or maybe a still heart meant he just didn’t care? Nah, he’d cared about Andrea plenty strong. Truth was, he’d never really wanted it but it didn’t seem worth fightin’ it after a while. So either there was somethin’ damn special about this human or else it has just been a real long time since anything non-monstrous had appeared in his life that his nethers were gonna react to anything. But this human was damn pretty, even he couldn’t deny that. Or maybe ass fuckin’ was like drinkin’ coffee on a shrimp boat: once you got used to it, it was better than drinkin’ stale water.

The fire was small but going solid now and Dean held his fingers close, warming their tips. Benny saw him try to hide a yawn in his elbow.

“I got no interest in wasting you. And I don’t need to sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

Dean’s head snapped up and he glared hard at Benny over flames. “What’d you say?”

“Easy, Chief.” Benny’s voice deep and slow, like he used to use when trying to calm vics when he was pirating. “I’m just sayin’ you look tired and I got no call to harm you.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“And I don’t you, for what it’s worth. But right now we need each other. It may have been over half a century since I had a heartbeat but I still remember what tired feels like. Fogs up your head and makes you slow. You’re no good to me dead.” Dean stared at him for a long time.

“Alright Boba Fett, you win.”

“Who the hell is Boba…”

“Never mind. Forget it.” Dean laid down on his right side, front curled towards the fire, bringing his knees to his chest and tucking his hands under his head. He didn’t close his eyes, instead staring into the flames. Benny just watched him. Cas used to do that too, but it bothered him less when Benny did it.

Benny got up and gathered some more wood and added it to the fire. They didn’t want it big enough to attract attention, but he also wanted to keep the human warm. He absently stirred the coals with a stick, mesmerized by the flames, but with his ears perked to the forest around him.

“Leviathans got out on Earth.” Dean’s voice was low, but Benny’s vamp hearing captured every word.

“How’d that happen?”

“Cas did it.”

“Who’s Cas?” Benny glanced over at Dean who wasn’t looking at him, so he went back to watching the flames. Something told him this might be one of those conversations you didn’t have while looking at someone.

“The angel.”

“Hot Wings unleashed the ancient ones, eh? On purpose?”

Dean nodded imperceptibly. “There was an angel war. Cas was going to use the souls to give him the power he needed to defeat Raphael, but the Leviathan took over. We figured out how to kill the main one but in the process, got sucked in here.”

“So how’d you two get separated?”

“You ever been sucked through a dimension portal?”

“Can’t say as I've had the pleasure.”

That made Dean give a snort and he had a slight chuckle in his voice, “Pleasure’s not the word I’d use. It feels like someone’s sucking your stomach up through your nose. Disorienting to say the least. We landed, Cas tells me we’re in Purgatory and then he disappeared. I don’t know how they got him, but they did.”

“So, you’re lookin’ for him ‘cause you think he’s in trouble?”

“If he wasn’t, he’d find me. And it’s been too long.” Dean gave a small yawn.

“What makes you sure he ain’t dead then?”

Dean refused to even go there. Cas was alive. He’d know if he wasn’t. “You’re the one who said I needed to sleep. So shut-up.” Dean rolled over, turning his back on the vamp, which surprised Benny.

“Good night, Dean.” Benny returned to watching the fire. After a few moments, he could make out Dean’s whispers clear as day. It felt obscene to listen to the hunter’s prayers, but he couldn’t help it.

“Cas, buddy, I know you’re not dead. You can’t be. I think you’d find a way to tell me that somehow. But where are you? I’m trying to find you but this would be a hellava lot easier if you could get me a clue somehow. Fuck. I wish I could tune into angel-radio right now. Look, I know I’ve said this every night since we got here, but I’m not gonna stop until I can tell you for real. It wasn’t true. I did care that you were broken. It hurt so much to see you that way. But I was still mad and I couldn’t tell you…I couldn’t forgive you when Sammy was still... You betrayed me and then you left me…How could you let those things inside of you? I begged you not to. Why didn’t you listen? Now, I just want you here. Please, Cas, help me find you. I need you. I need you.”

Benny rested his arms lightly on his knees bending his own head as if in prayer. He’d forgotten how full of love humans were. Or maybe he just didn’t like to remember. Andrea had been the same way. It had never occurred to him to pray to her, though he doubted it would have done anything anyway. But hearing Dean’s prayers stirred something inside him. He’d help him find the angel.

******

Dean felt a tug on his shoulder and was instantly awake. He kicked up hard and grabbed his attacker by the elbows, rolling them both until he was astride the hulk and pulled his fist back, ready to punch.

“Woah there, Chief!” Benny shouted. “It’s only me.” The vamp had his hands up in front but his fangs were out.

Dean froze a moment, clearly struggling against the instinct to simply lay waste to the monster beneath him. He watched as Benny’s fangs shrunk back into his gums and Dean brought his fist down slowly. It took another half-beat for him to realize he was still straddling the vampire and he pushed up and off. Reaching out his hand, he helped Benny stand up.

“Sorry. Instincts, I guess.”

“Not a problem. Can’t say it ended all that bad.” Benny smiled and looked away, silently cursing himself for such a lame attempt at flirting. _You dumb fucker. You think any human, any **hunter** , is gonna wanna ball you?_

Dean ignored whatever the hell that comment was and grabbed his scythe. “Let’s go. You said you had a line so let’s follow it.”

“You got it, Boss.” Benny took off at a fast walk, wanting to put some distance between his own self-loathing and the handsome hunter. It didn’t take but a few yards for him to realize the human had fallen into step beside him.

“Thanks for, uh, watchin’ my back last night. You were right. I needed the sleep.”

“Sure thing, Chief.”

They walked along in some silence before Benny took another chance at trying to find out exactly what the hell he’d inserted himself into. “So, this angel of yours,” he felt more than heard Dean’s breath hitch, so he paused long enough to give Dean a chance to object. When none came, he continued, “he’s, well, he seems important.”

“He’s an angel. Pretty sure they’re all important.”

“This one’s special. To you, I mean. Why else would you be willing to leave a trail of monster dead, drawing all manner of shit your way that might otherwise not give a rat’s ass about you?”

“Okay. So?” Dean stopped and squared up in front of Benny, who instinctively backed up a few steps, arms slightly bent, fists loose.

“So… I like to know what I’m dealin’ with.”

“You get me to the angel, I get you out of here. There’s not much else you need to know.”

“’Cept if there’s one thing I know for damn sure, it’s that,” Benny wasn’t sure how this was gonna land, so better to just get it out there and be ready, ”love can make a man sloppy. Can make you choose options you might not otherwise. It’s a pretty big factor. You understand me?”

Dean stepped right into Benny’s space, pushing a finger into the vampire’s chest, but Benny stayed firm this time, attempting to ignore the intoxicating aroma of blood, sweat, heat, _living_ human.

“If you’re concerned that I’m gonna gank you if it means saving Cas, then you’re right to be. ‘Cause I got no loyalty to some vamp. But I’m a man of my word. Yes, the angel is my priority, but I will get you out if I can. Just know this: once we’re topside, I make no promises. You become a problem, I will kill you.”

Benny knew it was stupid, but stupid was what he did, “So if he’s so worth all this, how come he’s not answering your prayers?” 

The blow to his gut landed harder than he expected and before he could even react, another hit came up under his jaw, throwing him backwards where he landed with a hard thud. He tried to roll over when Dean came down on top of him, slamming a knee into the vamp’s groin as the cold steel of the hunter’s scythe rested across his throat.

“You keep your fucking opinions to yourself, asshole. You got me?”

Benny blinked away the pain as Dean’s knee shoved harder against his scrot for emphasis. “I can’t hear you.”

“Yeah,” Benny managed to croak out. With sudden lightness, the hunter was standing over him, hand stretched out to help him up.

“Glad we understand each other.” 

_Oh, we understand alright. You got it bad for the angel._ Benny clasped the offered hand and once standing, set off again, not looking to see if Dean was following him. He knew he would eventually.

 _Well, Lafitte, you got yourself a pickle._ Benny had no idea if an angel could cross the portal. He knew he could hitch a ride inside of a human, but the angel was a whole new ballgame. When the time came, what would happen if this Castiel couldn’t make the cross? It was clear as glass that there was no way this hunter was leaving the angel behind. And while he didn’t know angel lore from crabgrass, he had seen what was left after some poor vamp had run into Castiel. It was like they’d been barbequed from the inside out. He didn’t want to think about how much power that took and he was pretty sure he didn’t want to try and tangle with it. _Guess, we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get there._

*******

They hiked along the river bed for about three hours when they came close to a group of vamps. Dean motioned to Benny, who instantly went right to hold the outside flank. With the river to their left, they knew the vamps would head inland. Dean crouched low, watching and listening as he walked on the balls of his feet, studying which one he needed to take out first.

One of the vamps lifted his nose. Dean froze. He could feel the light breeze of the river brushing over his shoulder. _Shit._ No matter how superior his hunting skills, his human scent was something he would always be cursed with. He watched as the one who’d gotten whiff of him spoke hurriedly to the others. The others turned, scanning with clear panic in their eyes. A surge of pride ran through him. _That’s right, you snaggletooth bloodsuckers. You should be fucking scared._

The instant he sprang from his spot was the same instant they all turned and started to run. Benny stepped in from the other side. “Goin’ somewhere?” The group of five vamps stopped short.

“Human-lover!” One of them spat, and his head fell to the ground; Dean’s scythe taking it clean off.

“Anyone else wanna take a stab at insulting my...” _What was Benny?_ “associate, there?” He looked at four heads shaking, along with their hands and eyes that darted to and fro.

“What have you heard about the angel?” Benny asked, walking up on the vamp with dark, curly hair.

Curly looked at the ground in submission. “Nu…nu…nothin’. Nothing. ARRRGHHHH!” The vamp screamed as Dean grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled back, exposing neck, holding his scythe against pale flesh.

“See, we know different. I heard you talking about an angel two days ago.” Curly let out another anguished cry as Dean’s blade pricked skin. “Where is he?”

“Please. Please, I just heard from someone who heard. I never saw him. Not really.” Blade went deeper.

“Ahhhhhhh! The Great Pool. I heard he was at the Great Pool.” 

Dean looked at Benny, the question on his face. Seeing momentary distraction, another vamp lunged at Dean, knocking the scythe from his hand. Blood spurted from Curly’s neck, who fell to the ground screaming. 

Landing on the ground, Dean felt his left shoulder dislocate. He let out a pained cry as he rolled on that shoulder onto his back, scrambling for purchase on the vamp who was on top of him, sharp teeth bared. Grabbing hold of the vamp’s shirt, he rolled back across his popped shoulder again, screaming out as he went until he was on top and started punching with his right fist as hard and fast as he could. His left hung limply at his side.

He could hear Benny fighting behind him as his vamp grabbed his left arm and twisted. Dean screamed again and fell to his side as the vamp pushed him off. Dean huffed out his breath rapidly, trying to clear his brain of the pain that was flooding him. Like a wild animal, the vamp went right for his neck, Dean instinctively bringing his right arm up. Fangs sunk into his forearm but his brain was already overloaded with dopamine, so he didn’t even register the ripping of flesh. Just pressure and then it was gone.

The hazy twilight that was purgatory’s daytime blurred in front of him as Dean struggled to focus. “Gotta get that arm back in, there, Chief.” Benny shoved what was remaining of the vamp’s carcass off him.

“Did you just kill three vamps by yourself?”

Benny tilted his head. “One and a half. Curly wasn’t much of a fighter since you’d already sliced most of his head off. The other ran off.”

Dean shook the vamp head that was still clamped at the teeth off his arm. Sitting up, he grunted through a new wave of pain as he gingerly adjusted his arm back into its proper position.

“What can I do for you?” Benny asked. He’d never reset a shoulder before.

“Just help me get up.” Benny walked behind him, putting one hand in Dean’s right armpit and wrapping the other around his waist, careful to avoid touching the hanging limb. 

Once Dean was vertical he held his own wrist. “You ever popped a shoulder in?”

“Can’t say as I have.” Benny was clearly feeling a tad useless. 

“Good a time as any to learn. Grab hold of my elbow and wrist.” Dean bent his arm at a 90° angle across his body. Benny squared his stance. “This ain’t Lethal Weapon, dude. It doesn’t take much force really.”

“Why would I use a lethal weapon on you, Chief? Just tell me what to do.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No one ever gets my references. OK. Hold my elbow against my body and pull my wrist outward.”

“Like this?” Benny turned Dean’s arm like a lever, stopping when the hunter started huffing. “You OK, man?”

Breathing hard, Dean said, “Yeah. This is the worst. Now pull my elbow away while twisting back towards me, like you’re trying to screw in a bolt.”

“This is gonna hurt huh?”

“Like a motherfucker. Just do it.” Dean was panting now and Benny felt he needed to work quickly. He twisted, but no “pop” sound came.

Dean swayed a little, lightheaded. “Try again.” His voice was strained and Benny knew he needed to get it in this time or Dean was apt to crumple. He imagined he was trying to lock in the yard arm on a shrimp net and twisted up and in. This time he heard the loud “POP” echo as Dean gave a yell and collapsed against him. Benny caught him and held him upright wrapping his arms tight around Dean’s torso.

“Hang in here with me, Chief. Alright? It’s back in, buddy. You’re alright.” Benny found himself rubbing Dean’s back soothingly and felt instant awkwardness. As if in response, Dean leaned back, taking a couple uneasy steps, and gingerly moved his left arm.

Benny stepped away, but was ready to catch the hunter should he lose consciousness. Instead, Dean seemed to get more sure-footed. “You’re a strong sum’o’bitch ain’t ya?”

Dean rocked a little. “So people tell me. Hand me the scythe will ya?”

“Sure thing.” Benny retrieved it from where it had landed during the skirmish.

“What’s the Great Pool?” Dean started back toward the river.

“And back to business it is.” Benny remarked drolly as he turned to follow.

Dean stopped. “You wanna braid my hair and talk about boys?”

The thing anyone learns early on when spending any time with Dean Winchester, is how to deflect a fight when he’s itchin’ to pick one. “Naw, Chief. Just thinkin’ you might want to stop a moment, clean up, get some cool water on that busted out shoulder a’ yours.”

“What? You _care_ about me or somethin’?”

Benny held still, never taking his eyes off Dean’s. “You’re just my meal ticket, boy. I aim to secure my freedom and you’re my way out. That’s all.” He tried to put as much detachment as he could into the not-quite-true words.

Dean’s eyes searched him, penetrating his motivations. Benny felt exposed as he tried to keep his face a mask.

“We find the angel, then we rest. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it. Once we hit the river, the great pool is about four days journey downriver.”

“Then we best get movin’.” Dean took off, leaving Benny feeling a bit thankful that the Pool was still quite a journey ahead of them. Assuming the hunter didn’t kill him, or get him killed, before then.

*******

“Cas, buddy, I wish you were here. And not just because you could heal my shoulder and make it stop throbbing. This place has no whisky or Advil, so I go nothin’ to dull the pain with. Did you know that whenever you heal me, I have this, I don’t know how to describe it. This kind of warm rush that lingers. Like I’m full of you. Which sounds really fuckin’ kinky.” Dean smiled shyly to himself as he curled up on the ground, fire to his back, whispering his prayers. He kept his voice as low as he could because he knew Benny could probably hear, if not all, at least part of what he was saying.

“I guess it is kinky. I don’t know when that started really. I think the first time I felt it was after Alastair. You remember that Cas? Sitting with me in the hospital? When you thought I was asleep, you’d touch me, using your grace to speed along my healing. Not so much as to make the doctors think something magical was happening, but enough to… It made me feel good. I felt safe.

“In my life, I pretty much have to sleep with one eye open, y’know. The only person I’ve been able to really sleep deep around is Sammy. But you know that hasn’t been true so much lately, with him seein’ Lucifer everywhere. Then I lost you too, and I’ve not known that kind of rest in so long, Cas. Now we’re here and I miss you so much. When I’m with you, even a place as fucked up as this one, I’d be able to rest. And you could ease the ache. And maybe I could…” Dean drifted off. 

Benny sat and watched the flames dance. He knew he’d never be to Dean what the angel was, but at least he could keep him safe while he slept. “I got your back, Chief.” He whispered in his own version of a prayer.

*******

Fifteen miles away, Cas squatted against a tree, staring at the river. He squeezed his eyes against Dean’s prayers, letting a tear fall down his cheek. Beyond the hunter’s words, Cas felt the weight of his longing. In the human plane, the longing was so constant from all humans that angles got used to holding it. Sometimes the deep desire for something more, something divine, would surge and draw the attention and response of an angel, but for the most part, they always felt the longing of souls for heaven…souls that wanted to be back home. But here, in this place devoid of humanity, the only longing he felt was Dean’s and it screamed at him, amplified by the lack of anyone else to muffle it.

Cas blinked his eyes in the inky blackness. There were no moon or stars in purgatory. Nothing to give light at night. He’d never cared about darkness; his grace enabling him to see without seeing. In this place, where the only prayers he heard were Dean’s, it made the darkness heavy. He cried every night as he listened to Dean, but knew his tears were selfish. He was crying for himself, because he wanted so badly to go to his charge…to be with him, fight with him. Care for him. He wanted to do that so much. But he knew it would get Dean killed. So he spent his days circling wide around Dean, drawing the Leviathan out and away. No, he knew his tears weren’t for Dean. They were for himself. Being separated from Dean while being able to hear him and only him, feel his longing; that was his punishment. And he had to endure it.

*******

“I fuckin’ hate the black goo.” Dean was standing in the river, water swirling around his waist, trying to get as clean as he could. The light here was different, but he knew that his skin seemed to be taking on a darker hue from never being able to fully scrub the blood and goo off himself. He’d stopped caring about the coolness of the water. His skin prickled and bumped from the chill, so he just rubbed harder.

At first, Benny balked at the human’s desire to hop in the river every few days. Nothin’ ever **washed** in purgatory. Until Dean Winchester that is. Then the hunter’d made some comment about how ripe Benny was and he realized that he really had no idea how things smelled anymore. So he’d taken to washing whenever Dean did, out of respect. Something not lost on the human.

“They ain’t got nothin’ on the tar we used to pitch the shrimp boats. That shit’d glue itself to your hands for months.”

“When I’d work on Baby, the oil and grease would stain my hands for days. Never minded it personally, but Sammy used to say it made me look dirty even when I wasn’t.”

“Your brother didn’t work on the car with you?”

“Nah. I mean, he knows how to do basic stuff. But he doesn't love her like I do. He takes care of her well enough though. Long as he doesn’t douche her up like last time.”

“Last time when?” Benny’d walked out of the river to stand by the fire. Without towels or warm sunshine, fire was the only way to dry them after taking a dip in the river. Benny didn't care about warmth, but he didn't like the way his clothes felt wet. So he would stand naked before the fire and let the flames evaporate most of the water away before putting his clothes back on.

Dean followed him out, shaking his wet hair over the fire. If the human carried any nervousness about the two of them standing there just as their mama’s bore ‘em, he never let on. Benny watched as Dean wiped the bulk of the water off with his t-shirt and then put it on. Dean picked up the boxer briefs he’d already washed as best he could in the river and had left flat on a rock by the fire and pulled them on. He shivered as heat created a cooling effect on his skin while the water dried off his body and underclothes.

“When was it that your brother, what’d you say, ‘douched’ your car?”

Dean gave a short laugh. “When you say it, it seems like a dick thing to say. All Sammy’d done was hook up his iPod to her radio. Heh.” Dean kept smiling at the memory. It had felt so good to be with Sammy again, giving him shit about stupid stuff. Watching Dean made Benny smile too.

“Dare I ask what an iPod is?”

“It’s like this box that holds music, uh, recordings, of music.”

“And that’s bad somehow.” Benny found himself moving around the fire until he was standing next to Dean.

“Naw, not really. I just like her how she is, y’know? Like how she was built. And iPods didn’t exist in 1967.”

“Geeze, I’d forgotten how much time’s passed in the world. What year were you born?”

“1979.”

“Shit, you’re young enough to be my great, maybe great-great grandson.”

“Babe in arms, huh?” Dean grinned sideways at the vamp.

“You sure as hell ain’t no baby. Nah, sir. Just realizing how much must’ve changed topside.”

“Yeah, but the best stuff is still the same. Pecan pie with flakey crust. The smooth feel of a finely crafted Colt 47. The roar of a V6. The clink of ice in a highball glass. God, I miss whisky.”

“Bourbon for me. Soon as we get topside, we’re findin’ a bar.”

Dean dropped his head and grinned shyly. Benny was growing on him and he had more than once proved his value and loyalty. But in the world, he’d never be able to explain it to Sam. 

“You, uh, you know that once we get up there…I’m still a hunter. So’s my brother.”

Benny nodded, staying focused on the fire. He’d figured this would come up eventually. “Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Hoss.”

“And vamps gotta kill? That it?” Dean tensed and turned slightly towards Benny.

“Or hunters gotta hunt. I ain’t had real blood in over 50 years. Here you are, pulsin’ with warm, thick, richness,” Benny licked his lips automatically, “an’ I ain’t even tried to drink you. If that don’t count for somethin’, well, I don’t really know what to tell ya.”

“You need me.”

“Yeah. I need you. So, what, you think I’m gonna vein you as soon as we get out.”

Dean chuckled at that. “No, no you won’t. I’m askin’ if you’re gonna try.” Dean looked hard at Benny, squaring his jaw. The vamp had never encountered a human so unafraid of monsters. He’d run into hunters before but never one so confident that he was gonna win and you weren’t.

“Naw, Chief. Why’d I fight through all this to get topside only to have you send me back?”

“OK.” Dean nodded. “What about others?”

“You askin’ me how I’m gonna eat.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“I ain’t figured that out yet. But I got no drive to kill. Honestly, I never did. I didn’t ask to be turned y’know. It happened to me.”

“Prove it.”

“What?”

Dean turned to face him, his skin warm and pink from the fire. “Prove you can resist it.”

“Prove I ain’t gonna bite no one? How do I do that?” Dean opened his arms and shrugged. “On you?”

“You see any other humans around?”

Benny shifted nervously. This felt like a set-up. He turned to face Dean, eyes wary. “I don’t know what you’re askin’ there Chief. I really don’t.”

Dean started to advance on him. Benny was still naked from his time in the river and felt even more exposed with each step Dean took closer. In moments, the hunter was well into his personal space, chests mere millimeters from touching. Dean turned his head, exposing his jugular. 

Benny’s breath was catching. He was waging a war, but not one the hunter was fighting. He kept himself straight, eyes darting between Dean’s neck and his eyes, which were fixated on him.

“Can you see it?”

“See what, Chief?”

“My pulse. Can you see it? Feel it?”

“Ye…yeah.” More strongly, “Yeah I can.”

With the lightning speed Benny still wasn’t used to, Dean grabbed the back of Benny’s head and pulled it in, forcing his nose and mouth to make contact with warm, stubbled skin. Benny inhaled deeply, relishing the scent. His hands went instinctively to Dean’s hips, drawing him closer. His lips parted and he started to suck, lick, and kiss, grinding himself into Dean, his rapidly appearing hard-on speaking all on its own. There was a hard pinch as a hand gripped the back of his neck and pulled him away.

When he looked at Dean, he saw wide-eyed confusion. “Not quite the response you were expectin’?” Benny gave a slight thrust against Dean’s now growing member. “But maybe the response you were hopin’ for?”

Green eyes narrowed slightly and Benny let his hands fall. _Too much._ “My mistake Chief.” He said, throwing his hands up in surrender.

“Benny, sorry, man. I wouldn’t of…if I’d known…y’know…”

“It’s alright, man. I kinda already knew you’re more after a feathery kinda touch.”

Dean had started pulling on his jeans, but he stopped, his fly hanging open. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Aw, now, I can deal with you not wantin’ to get it on, what with your prior loyalties and all. But you don’t get to pretend you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”

“I’m not **pretending** anything. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Dean tucked in his Henley and sat on the ground to get his socks and boots on. His socks weren’t totally dry yet though, so he put them back on the rock by the fire and just sat, staring up at Benny, who thankfully had his underwear on again.

Benny came over and squatted in front of him. Dean could tell that the vamp’s erection hadn’t abated. He tried not to look at it, but he didn’t want to look at Benny’s eyes either. 

“Your brother, I get. But we are humpin’ all over The Purg in search of someone who I’m suspectin’ doesn’t want to be found.” That made Dean look at him. “Now why would we be doin’ that?”

“I’m not leaving here without him.”

“Yeah, I got that message. But you’re gonna sit there and tell me that you whisper to him at night just ‘cause you’re pals?”

Dean’s face hardened. “You’re listening to me? Are you? You’re spying on me?” The hunter scrambled up to his feet and Benny stood.

“Oh, Chief, please tell me you’re wantin’ to wrastle.” Benny was flirting openly with him now and that kept Dean off-kilter.

“You don’t understand about Cas.” Dean turned away to get some distance between him and Benny but the vamp grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around.

“Like hell I don’t. We’ve already established I’m old enough to be your grandpappy, and I’ve seen love in way more forms than you can ever imagine. I know what it looks like and you look it. You’re sweet on that angel. But where is he? Why ain’t he answerin’ you?”

With slumped shoulders, Dean said softly, “What if he can’t.”

“I don’t see anything in Monster Land wantin’ to keep him hostage. No one can sit on that much power for long. So if he can’t, it ain’t ‘cause he’s trussed up somewhere. You know that, right.”

“He’s not dead. I’d know. Don’t ask me how, I just would.”

“So, if he ain't dead and is free to move about, why ain't he here?”

“I…I don’t…” Dean’s fists clenched and unclenched.

“Look, man. We’ll keep heading towards the Great Pool. Only about a day and half hike now. But if he ain’t there…”

“If he’s not there…we’ll talk. OK?” Benny nodded. And from Dean’s face, he could tell the conversation was now over.

“How ‘bout we try to come up with some kind of critter we can eat. I’m sick of the grass.” Dean had shut down and moved on.

Benny pulled his shirt over his head, “Alright. We’ll find you some grub.”

*******

As Dean laid down beside the fire, his belly as full as it would ever be here, he stared into the fire. Instead of saying his prayers to Cas aloud, he decide to just think them. It bothered him that Benny could hear him talking to Cas. 

_Is Benny right, Cas? Are you avoiding me? You’ve always heard me and come when I called you before. Why aren’t you now? You know I need you. Maybe Angel Radio isn’t working? I mean, can you hear prayers from purgatory normally? I’d guess not, but then, what is a monster gonna pray for? Or to, for that matter. So maybe this is all just a fucked-up conversation in my head. OK then. How’s this?_

_“Benny’s got a nice size cock, man. Weird seein’ a dude uncircumsized though. Sam was tellin’ me that getting the foreskin snip isn’t as common as it was when he and I were babies. But when Benny was born, they still only did that to boys if they were Jewish, I guess._

_“Yeah, I notice dicks, Cas. That surprise you? Mr. Argue-with-the-porn? Shit, you were so fuckin’ surprised by your own erection. And Sammy was all, ‘That’s on you to deal with!’ Like I’m gonna show you how to jack it off. Not that you probably need me to. You seemed to figure it out. Shit, I hated watching you kiss that demon whore. And then you shacked up with the first chick you meet after the Leviathan shed your meatsuit. You’d been so good to her. I could tell, man. She loved you. And all I could do is watch._

_“You’re an angel. I’ve known that meant we wasn’t gonna work. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about…about having you. It’s tacky as hell to bring this up, but remember Anna? Of all the sex I’ve had in the past eight years, and it admittedly has been…inconsistent. Out of all of it, she’s stuck with me. And not because she’s a chick. Sammy doesn’t know, or maybe want to acknowledge, but I hook up with guys sometimes too. Mostly just for blowjobs, but sometimes…well, that’s not important I guess. I’m just trying to say an orgasm is an orgasm, y’know. But with Anna, that was something I’ve **never** felt before. I’m not one to believe in soul mates, but if sex with her was that amazing just because she was an angel, an angel without her grace even…well, when I think about you…”_

Dean rolled away from Benny at this point. His boner was raging now. He’d thrown his jacket over himself, but there was no way he could jack off with Benny there. Or he could, but the vampire would know what he was doing. Might was well give him a show to watch.

As if Benny could read his mind, the vamp stood up. “I’m gonna do a perimeter loop. You gonna be OK Chief?

Dean lifted his head. “Yeah. Sure. And Benny?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re cool. Right?”

Benny shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled. “Well, I ain’t exactly joyous about getting’ refused, if you know what I mean. But yeah, we’re cool.”

It was at that moment that it finally clicked for Dean what he saw in Benny. He had the aura of the early ‘50s gang films, like Rebel Without a Cause or The Wild One. He mentally calculated when Benny would’ve likely been born, if he was old enough to be his great-grandfather, give or take 10 years. The timing worked.

Dean nodded at him and rolled over. When he heard Benny’s footsteps fall away, he laid his hand on the top button of his fly.

 _Alright, Cas. If this prayin’ thing doesn’t work anyway, let’s just have ourselves a little fantasy sex huh?_

Dean closed his eyes and imagined he was in some hotel room with Cas. Like one of the times Cas would just show up while he was sleeping. Only this time, instead of just watching him like a creeper, Cas was the one undoing his fly. In his fantasy, _Cas shed his rain coat on the floor and loosened his tie. Dean wakes up as the angel’s fingers pull the zipper to the bottom._

_“What you doin’, Cas.”_

_“Shhh, Dean. Just relax.”_

_“Oh, I’m relaxed, baby. Very relaxed.” Dean rolls on his back, lifting one arm onto the pillow behind his head. He breathes out slow as Cas slides below his waist band, a warm, velvety hand encircling his cock. With his lowered hand, Dean hitches his pants down a little, giving Cas some more room to maneuver._

_“Am I doing this right?”_

_“Yeah, perfect.” Dean blinks a few times, not sure whether to close his eyes and imagine or open them and watch._

_“I think I’d rather you watch.” Green eyes meet blue as Dean slowly starts to thrust his hips upward._

_“You in my head there, Cas?”_

_“Always.” Cas is stroking firmly now, sliding up and over the head and down the glands again. Dean glances down and watches as his penis slides smoothly in and out of Cas’ hand._

_“Cas, will you…I mean.”_

_With no more encouragement, Cas leans down and takes the tip of Dean’s cock in his mouth. Dean moans at the feel of Cas’ tongue lightly roaming over the spongey flesh of his glans. Dean fingers through Cas’ hair, not pushing or directing, just caressing._

_“That’s it Cas, like that, baby, yeah. Ohhhh.” Cas was applying some suction, tightening his mouth while still stroking the tip and slit with his tongue.”_

Dean’s own hand was working his erection with furious motion now. One arm was flung over his face as he laid on the ground by the fire. His boxers were shoved down, tucked under his balls, creating some pressure, while his right hand and arm worked. He had no idea when Benny would be back, but at this point, he didn’t care.

_”Please, Cas. More. Give me more.” Fantasy Cas, slid a hand between his legs, resting a thumb against his hole, pressing. “Yeah, baby, that’s it. That’s what I miss. Can you?” The thumb slipped in to the first knuckle. “Ahhh, fuck, yeah.” Slowly Cas, pushed in and out, while slaving his tongue up, over and around Dean’s cock. Dean lifted his head and watched Cas shift so that he was kneeling between Dean’s legs now. As his head bobbed up and down, Dean’s dick glistening with spit and pre-come as it slid in out of his gorgeous angel’s mouth, Cas kept twisting and thrusting his thumb in and out of Dean’s ass. “Promise me, Cas. Promise me that we will do this one day. All the way. You inside me.”_

_Dean held Cas’ eyes as they went blue-white in a brief flare of grace, which Dean felt rippling down his cock, over his balls and straight into his prostate. Dean’s whole body shook with the strength of his orgasm._

Dean cried out as he came so hard, it shot over his head, missing him completely. He saw stars and his vision was blinded. He hadn’t come that hard since…shit, ever. His whole body was heaving, every muscle spasming. He couldn’t even uncurl his fingers from a round his dick; they were just frozen in place. Dean panted like he’d just run a marathon. 

_Cas, I miss you so much. I need you. I can’t leave this place without you. Please._

*******

Cas was slouched against a tree, body shaking, his hand laying limply beside him. He didn’t need to breathe, but he felt lethargic…spent. As he rested against the hard wood, he looked at the scorched bark on the tree across from him. He glanced down at his penis, no longer fully erect, feeling a bit bruised from his own ministrations. He squinted his eyes. If his ejaculate had left those scorch marks, what would have happened if he’d not been outside. And alone. 

In the battle between his mind knowing what he should be doing and his heart wanting to let Dean find him, Cas knew which side was winning. Tears pooled in his eyes. “I miss you too Dean.”

*******

Benny had found a spot where he could observe and ended up with his own dick in his hand. He felt a twinge of guilt over watching Dean masturbate when he’d made a point of telling him he would go far enough away to grant the hunter his privacy. Even though he’d not said the angel’s name, Benny knew who had made Dean come that hard. _Boyo’s too pretty for you anyhow, Lafitte._ Benny tucked himself back in and raised his zipper. He’d head back around and give Dean some time to compose himself.

*******

Next morning, there was some uncomfortableness. Benny was keeping more distance than he had before and Dean pretended not to notice.

“We should be at the Great Pool by noon. If Hot Wings is there, we should find him today.”

Dean nodded. Then stopped and went up to Benny, wrapping a firm hand around the base of his neck, like he’d done so many times to Sammy or Cas when he wanted their undivided attention.

“Benny. Cas is…well, he’s special. But you are too. You’ve been a good companion and…” Dean’s hand slid down Benny’s arm, rubbing gently. “you’re not exactly…I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed if I wasn’t…It’s not like…”

“It’s alright Chief. I understand your meanin’. You don’t got to say nothin’. But shit… I wish you weren’t so damn pretty.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t go fucking queen on me now.” He laughed.

“Never.” Benny chuckled as he grabbed his scythe and walked off, leading this time.

*******

As they walked over the ridge, Benny saw a figure squatting at the edge of the Great Pool and knew instantly they’d found him. His heart sank a little as he watched Dean approach the angel with open arms. And then felt his rage boil when he saw that Cas wasn’t hugging Dean back. He knew it wasn’t his place but he couldn’t help himself.

“Why’d you bail on Dean?”

No, it wasn’t his place. And of course Dean would defend this wholly unworthy angel. Only made Benny madder, listening to Dean try to rationalize it. He hadn’t fed on blood in decades, but he was all-fire ready for some angle meat. The more the angel talked, Benny shifted his scythe, ready to take off the angel’s head as soon as he could get away with it.

“I prayed to you, Cas. Every night.”

“I know.”

That brought Benny up short. The look of despair on Cas’ face, tied to Dean’s dumbfounded look of betrayal. He could help but see that the angel couldn’t look at Dean when he said that.

“You know and you didn’t…What the hell’s wrong with you?”

Benny didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t want to know how everything Cas did and ever will do is to preserve the well-being of Dean Winchester. For as devoted as Dean was, he had nothing on the angel.

“Just, leave me be.” Cas’ voice betrayed the anguish he felt at seeing Dean and having to send him away.

“Sounds like a plan.” Benny just wanted to get away. To not have to bear witness to this. He wanted to be able to live in the fairy tale of Dean’s unrequited love. He wasn’t ready to give up his fantasy of being the one to hold Dean’s broken heart. Not just yet.

“Buddy, I need you.”

Benny turned away. He’d been through enough with the hunter to recognize that declaration for what it was. But to see that the angel knew it too… it was more than he could stomach right now. His heart clenched, which made him thankful for the reminder that he even still had a heart to break. The hope-filled persuasion the hunter was using on Cas was like putting the shards of his heart in a meat grinder.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

Benny understood, more certain than he ever had, exactly what Dean felt for the angel. This wasn’t lust. They were true soul mates. He’d known what that was once, long before Dean. If the angel didn’t acquiesce after this, Benny was gonna hog-tie him and drag his feathery ass to the portal.

“I understand.” And with that, they were a trio.

*******

A few nights later, the fire glowing as hot and bright as they dared, Benny sat opposite the angel, looking at him across the firelight.

Cas was sitting cross-legged, Dean’s head resting next to him, using the waded-up trench coat as a pillow. The angel didn’t need to sleep any more than the vampire did. That first night had been full of tense looks. Benny’d still been pissed about the angel ignoring Dean’s cries for so many months, so he flirted with Dean openly, touching him more than he ever had before. At first Dean just ignored it, but as they were building the fire, Benny’d felt the familiar hand on the back of his neck. 

“Knock it off man. Cas doesn’t get jealous and all you’re doing is weirding everyone out.”

“He don’t deserve you, Chief. He don’t.”

Dean leaned in close, lips grazing the lobe of Benny’s ear, “You just have to trust me when I say, I don’t deserve him. But regardless, you gotta lay off. Capiche?”

Benny took a step away. “Yeah, I got you.”

Now, Benny watched jealously as Dean snored next to Cas, clearly sleeping more deeply and peacefully than he’d ever seen the human do before. Cas sat so straight he might’ve had a rod up his spine, but his fingers caressed Dean’s face and hair with such tenderness.

“You are out of order.” Cas said, matter-of-factly

“You’re an Angel of the Lord in a place of the damned. I ain’t the one who’s out of order.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…I meant, you seem to be going against your nature in helping him. You’re a monster who feeds on humans in a place humans don’t exist.”

“Bloodlust comes in all different forms, I guess. Got this far in The Purg without human juice, what’s a few more months?” Benny was trying to deflect where he was sure the angel was gonna try and take this conversation.

“That’s not why you’ve refused to feed on him, though is it?”

Benny picked up a stick and started to poke the fire. “I got to use him to get topside. That’s all.”

“And then?”

“Then that’s between me and Dean, huh?”

Cas’ eyes squinted as he studied the vampire. “I appreciate all you did to keep Dean safe and alive. But he is a hunter. Do you imagine he will just, I don’t know, take you on the road with him? Plop you in the back seat of the Impala with a nice leash and collar while you, he, and Sam go round hunting things?”

“I’m nobody’s puppy dog.” Benny was offended at the insinuation.

“I don’t know that anyone plans on being Dean’s bitch, but we end up there all the same.” Cas looked down, his fingers stroking lazily up and down the man’s back and arms while he slept. “He’s special, Benny. He’s so special even God knows it. The only one who doesn't is Dean.” Cas looked the vampire straight in the eye. “That’s why you have to do what’s best for Dean, even though it will not be what you want to do.”

Benny nodded. “I won’t make his life difficult. I promise you.”

“If, for some reason, I can’t get through the portal, will you…”

“Yeah,” Benny cut him off, “I’ll get him out. And safe.”

Cas nodded sadly. “Thank-you.”

They sat in silence. Benny wondered if he’d be able to make the kind of sacrifice for Dean that Cas seemed to do without even thinking about it. Was that the definition of love?

“Well, rest up Hot Wings. Tomorrow we get him out of where he don’t belong.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Cas shifted to lie down behind Dean, providing some warmth to the sleeping man.

Benny thought he heard something in the angel’s last statement, but couldn't quite put his finger on it. _Guess tomorrow will tell, Lafitte._


End file.
